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Faith

I was having my same old problem today when trying to decide whether or not I should go to the church. You know…. Being too lazy and imagining myself just watching tv or sleeping the whole day…. I decided to go anyway, because my parents were going to a funeral home, so I had to drop them and yea… just go to the church afterwards.

I’ve been having this problem for a long time. Maintaining my faith, maintaining my commitment to Him, these are not easy for me. I lost my way countless of time. To which after few months I would go crying to God and asked for forgiveness. The cycle continues endlessly.

Today is one of those days…. Something the pastor said today has kinda hit me hard. He said people nowadays have mistaken and misunderstood faith as their own wishes and desire. We have to be able to know the difference. God gives us His commands and His promises. We are so focused on His promises, call those as faith, and forget His commands instead. The pastor said faith is actually something that needs sacrifice. Sarah was pregnant when she was 90 y.o. That is faith as she had to endure the pain, the shame, of having to carry a baby when her body naturally could not take it anymore. Abraham was ready to sacrifice his only son that was born when he was 100 y.o. That is faith as he had to feel the pain and face all those crazy thoughts of having to kill his own son. Faith never come easy. Faith is not supposed to be one of our wishes or desire. Faith is supposed to be based on the Father’s desire for us. It is not our will, it is His will. And our willingness to follow His will. That is what faith is all about. If we still live in a lifestyle that we ourselves created for our own benefit and neglecting His lifestyle, do we deserve to say that I have faith God will grant me this or that? That is not faith… that is our will and for some crooked reasons, we hope God will follow ours.

The pastor used this illustration in his sermon: “say that I have a maid. One day my wife and I decided to call this maid and tell her “if you clean our house everyday properly according to our standard of cleanliness and if you cook our meals without MSG and with less salt, by the end of your first year, we will buy you a motorbike. Now, if everyday she keeps on singing my promise to her that I will buy her a motorbike but forgetting my terms, will I buy her a motorbike? But let say, if instead, she remembers my commands by keeping my house clean and cook healthy meals for my family everyday, even though she doesn’t remind me of my promise the next year, will I buy her a motorbike? well, the same goes to you. It doesn’t matter how loud you sing your so called “faith” to God, it doesn’t matter how often you say “I believe God will provide me with this and that”, if you only remember His promises without obeying his terms, do you really think God will be happy to listen to your off-pitch singing?”

I guess, I have been the first maid all along…. I only want to remember His promises without doing my part. Sadly, that has been my definition of faith. Sadly that is how big my faith is….

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt 6:33

-L

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Posted by on September 21, 2015 in ShoutOut

 

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Siapkah Kau tuk Jatuh Cinta Lagi

Artist: HiVi

Ketika ku mendengar bahwa kini kau tak lagi dengannya

dalam benakku timbul tanya

masihkah ada dia di hatimu bertahta

Atau ini saatnya bagiku untuk singgah di hatimu

namun siapkah kau tuk jatuh cinta lagi

Meski bibir ini tak berkata

bukan berarti ku tak merasa ada yang berbeda di antara kita

Dan tak mungkin ku melewatkanmu

hanya karena diriku tak mampu untuk bicara bahwa aku inginkan kau ada di hidupku

________________________________________________________

Need I say anything anymore? Ouch!

 

-L

 
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Posted by on June 26, 2015 in Songs and Lyrics

 

Once upon a time

It was nearly 10 years ago when we met the first time. A grumpy me, a practical n quick thinker Vina and a clumsy/careless Dolla. We met by chance, lived in the same building or went to the same class. Different personalities but who would disagree that we completed each other back then. What might seem like merely coincident, grew stronger together. Today we had the chance to see each other again and realized how the time has passed, brought us to the next phase in our lives.  One’s getting married this year, one, who I never thought could settle doing the same job for a long period of time, is still working her first job until today and the other one is striving to start up a new business. This made me think. Life is always about making choices. But at the same time, life is also about fate. One says lower your expectation so you wont get disappointed, but there is also a saying that we should dare to dream big. At the end, we should all agree that despite how perfect we’ve planned our lives, there are these little things that stirred up the ingredients and produce a different outcome altogether. It could be a nice big surprise or a huge mess that we want to avoid. It doesn’t matter…. what matters the most is how we react to those changes, those unexpected things and how we decide to overcome it. The strongest of the three of us, the one with the steel heart and big dreams, she climbs her steps to the top and so far has lifted up to the expectation. She’s done alright! The one who once had commitment issue, turned out to be very committed, to her work, to her relationship, and has matured up well. The gloomy one, still sometimes be gloomy, but trying hard to add some purpose into the mood. Trying hard to have a tenth of that motivation and ambition that her friend has, and trying hard to make it true. We reminisce our old lives, hoping that by thinking we could survive the hardships back then, why must back down now? At least I think that way. It’s a pleasure to spend few hours with them again. How I wished we could make it longer, perhaps as long as our sleepless nights waiting for the first train back to our hostel rooms… but for now we should just treasure what we have, though it is only for a short moment. Grateful that despite all the changes in life, we can still be us around each other. And for being the people they are, I admire them… Long live Primus!

-L

 
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Posted by on May 10, 2015 in ShoutOut

 

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Jatuh Hati

By Raisa

ada ruang hatiku yang kau temukan
sempat aku lupakan kini kau sentuh
aku bukan jatuh cinta namun aku jatuh hati

ku terpikat pada tuturmu, aku tersihir jiwamu
terkagum pada pandangmu, caramu melihat dunia
ku harap kau tahu bahwa ku terinspirasi hatimu
ku tak harus memilikimu tapi bolehkah ku selalu di dekatmu

ada ruang hatiku kini kau sentuh
aku bukan jatuh cinta namun aku jatuh hati

ku terpikat pada tuturmu, aku tersihir jiwamu
terkagum pada pandangmu, caramu melihat dunia
ku harap kau tahu bahwa ku terinspirasi hatimu
ku tak harus memilikimu tapi bolehkah ku selalu di dekatmu

katanya cinta memang banyak bentuknya
yang ku tahu pasti sungguh aku jatuh hati

ku terpikat pada tuturmu, aku tersihir jiwamu
terkagum pada pandangmu, caramu melihat dunia
ku harap kau tahu bahwa ku terinspirasi hatimu
ku tak harus memilikimu tapi bolehkah ku selalu di dekatmu
tapi bolehkah ku selalu di dekatmu

—————————————————————————————————-

spot on!

-L

 
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Posted by on April 5, 2015 in Songs and Lyrics

 

In remembrance

It was 6 years ago… the day I decided to move on and close that room inside. 5 years it was open… 5 damn years… countless of tears I shed, and I lost my fat too! Almost lost my friendship but thank God I did not. It was a long 5 years, waiting for you to enter it but you did not. We grew up, grew apart and I finally realized there’s a bigger world out there even without you. So I decided it was finally the time to end that chapter. People came in and out, some people left footprints, but yours are still the hardest to erase.
When she wore that ring from you, my time stopped for a while… and now when you two said that three magic words, I just knew, I had to start writing again.
You were my inspiration… you were the Nola AB3 to Glenn Fredly, you were that ex to Adele and that man to Sam Smith… now it’s time for me to find my new inspiration… thank you for the warmth in my heart you created, thank you for teaching me the sensitivity that I didn’t think I had… thank you for loving me in my dream….

May God bless you and your new family….

-L

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2015 in ShoutOut

 

How the mighty have fallen

He was one of the reasons I came back but now he’s gonna be one of the reasons I leave… for good…
How the mighty have fallen.
How once the greatest leader I’ve met turned to a “villain”.
It’s unfair that he is the only one who can use God to justify his doings. Still… he is no God.
“Everyone in here is not indispensable,” he says… really, Sir? That’s the best line you can deliver in a morning devotion? I have to disagree with you this time. In my opinion, you won’t be able to find someone like me, like I will never find someone like you again. The good, the bad, each and everyone of us is worth something… and even if you won’t remember me in the future, my kids do… and for me, that is more than enough.

-L

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2015 in ShoutOut

 

Tertatih ku melangkah
Di dalam kegelapan yang menyesatkan
Aku sendiri dalam bayangku
Mencari cahaya di ujung jalan

Akankah kutemukan sang matahari
Merasakan hangatnya di pelukku

Akankah kuraih sang bintang
Yang kala itu terlepas dari jemariku

Sebelum mata ini tertutup
Sebelum nafas ini terhenti
Pintaku padaNya
Sudikah Kau antarku pada takdirku

-L

 
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Posted by on January 4, 2015 in Poems