May 2019

There’s always two sides of a coin.
There’s always (a minimum) two sides of a story.
The sad thing is our brain is wired to have presumptions without even reading/listening to the whole stories.
And let say if we are a little bit wiser, and we do listen to the stories… still, they are just stories…. which might not necessarily be facts.
People often fight for “facts”, truth is has anyone ever truly learned all the facts?
I like what Diane Lockhart said in “The Good Fight”:

“When people are happy they look desperately for things to make them unhappy.”

It’s human nature to seek for conflicts… we dont like to admit we are unhappy of being happy.



15 years later…

I guess it’s now safe to say that we’ve known each other for more than half of our entire life on earth.

We were schoolmates, who, according to you, met each other due to math and science olympiads (nerds!). We became classmates, separated in uni but at the same time graduated from good friends to bestfriends.

We don’t always agree on the same things, nor we have the same hobbies. You dragged me to Richard Clayderman’s concert, I dragged you to watch badminton games. I guess it’s a way for us to show that we appreciate each other’s company and not taking it for granted.

I am always the one with words and you… hmmm…. well, you are you.

It was frustrating for me not being able to crack your shell open but I guess it’s worth the patience. Afterall, I am not the easiest person to handle anyway and yet you’ve faithfully stuck by me.

You are one of the greatest gifts God ever sent to me. And that’s the highest compliment I ever give to a person.

Here’s to more sarcasm, more banter and more hitting and slapping in the future!

Like an artist in front of a clean canvas
A simple sweep of brush fills the emptiness
One more stroke to create a familiar face
As he carefully adds emotion to complete the eyes

He has a choice to tell his own story
A chance to add a narrative
To opt for a darker or lighter color
He has the power to breathe his soul to his art

Not too much! He says
Just the right shadow to show his doubts
And the right light to express his hope

In the world of finite chances and infinite alternatives
Will this be his masterpiece or another piece of worthless art?

Fearless or courageous?

What does it mean to be fearless?

To jump off a 20-story building without fear?

To jump into a lake knowing you can’t swim?

What does it mean to be courageous?

Holding your head up when people look down on you?

Keep moving forward even when you don’t see the finish line?

I am not fearless, I will never be

I fear for my life, and the Lord help me to put the fear of God in me

To be courageous is what I want to be

To count my steps even when people tell me there’s no way out

To knit my dreams even when the world tell me I dont have enough yarn

I am courageous, fear encourage me to be better

1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

There has been a shocking news about a teacher from a respectable school in Jakarta who is currently under an investigation for sending inappropriate text messages and pictures to his underage students. It caught my attention because of two reasons; first, the teacher is from the school that shares the same name as my dear highschool, second, the teacher is just 25 y.o. and quite good looking (forgive my human eyes). As I scrolled down on few articles that reported this case, I saw some nasty comments about young teachers. I can’t believe that people actually condemn the school for accepting a young teacher and entrusting him to be a homeroom teacher. As a teacher who started teaching as soon as I finished my degree, I feel a little bit offended. I was accepted to serve as a teacher at an international school in Jakarta when I was still 21 y.o. My principal back then interviewed me directly and kept asking me whether I was sure to leave Singapore to start working as a teacher here in my hometown. He left me an impression that he did not want me to work there. Not a bad impression per se, rather he reminded me of a patient Dad who is trying to convince his daughter that she has the whole world before her and perhaps it’s a good idea to take some time and weigh the options. 

I convinced myself that I wouldn’t survive in Singapore. For me, Indonesia is my home no matter how chaotic it can get. The school is conveniently located about 5km from my home and it’s just too good of an opportunity to pass. 21 years 4 months and 2 weeks old…. i stepped into a classroom, not as a student but as a teacher. It wasn’t easy at all as I remember I cried almost every day for the first semester. Students look down on you, parents thought you are just some genius math wizz (which I’m not btw) who is not qualified to be a teacher. I know how it feels to be sat down in a room before 11 parents who reported you to the principal for failing their kids. (I still hold the record I think). During all those hard moments and hurdles, my dear principal became my hero. He never once blamed me, he never once turned his back on me. He stood by me and he shielded me from those parents. I recorded that “trial” perfectly in my head and my heart.

So it hurt me to learn that people think good schools are not supposed to hire young teachers. If no good schools are to hire these young talents, then who will nurture them and train them to be a good teacher? It takes a process. Some might take more than others but it doesn’t mean we should close that door of opportunity before them. I am forever grateful of my dear boss, who had patiently waited for me and taught me to become who I am today.

I am not saying I am a perfect teacher now. I am far away from that, and still learning to be better… But one thing I’m pretty sure of is, I love my kids and, with God’s help, I strive to always give my best to lay bricks on their pathway. Being a teacher, for me, is an honour. Is the only job in the world that let people trust you with their most precious treasures, voluntarily. If you don’t feel the same way then maybe you would be better off doing something else.

To young teachers out there, 

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young!


Kutetap Setia

Saved this song after a Sunday service few weeks ago.

Seperti wanita mengurapiMu
Menangis di bawah kakiMu
Demikian hidupku mau mengasihiMu
Yesus Engkau baik bagiku
Sampai akhir ku menutup mata
Kutetap setia menanti janjiMu
Sampai kudapatkan mahkota kehidupanku
Kutetap setia melayaniMu

Easier said than done. I know how hard it is to stay faithful. There are too many things that can distract me. Too many tempting sins… listening to this song, i can do nothing but crying… imagining myself looking at the mirror and condemning me. How can someone that is blessed so much can still be disloyal. Am i worth saving? 


If anyone noticed, in the last post I published earlier, I did use a tag “farewell”. Well… I came to Singapore not only to celebrate my friend’s wedding, but to also bid her a farewell.
It’s really a huge change for her and her husband, since not only they start a new life together but they will also start it in a new place, new country with a new workplace. But as long as they are together, I think it should still be a good thing, right?
Anyway…. bidding a farewell is always difficult no matter how many times you have done it. It gets easier, yes… a lil bit. But the thought of course still bothers your mind. Even though in normal basis I don’t see her that often anyway; mostly once a year, twice a year sometimes; but you always know that you are just separated by a 1.5 hour flight…. a month from now, it won’t be a 1.5 hour flight anymore. It’ll be a one day flight and I don’t know whether we will see each other anymore.
Life…. people come and go, fate helps it. I am now at the age where I can fully understand that sometimes things have to go on in a certain way whether or not you like it. I can still recall that moment 10 years ago when I cried like a baby asking my best friend to not go overseas to study; even though I knew I would also go overseas to study, teenager and logic, they don’t go hand in hand. So I can confidently say that I’m over that period.  Sounds like I’m bragging over it, well I’m not. I actually think it was a sweet gesture of mine, the crying like a baby part. Haha… but seriously. I mean I guess at this stage we can all accept that God has a plan for each of us; whether it is a plan to always be together or separated, I believe it is still a good plan, the best for us. Having said that, again it is still difficult. I am facing it with the worst scenario in mind that we wont meet again. So I make sure that, assuming this time is the last, there is no regret or whatsoever between us. That we will remember each other as someone who brings joy, laughter and peace. As cheesy as it sounds, I want people to remember me that way. Regardless of all the flaws that I have in me, I always “dress up” with my best attitude for my supposedly last encounter with anyone important to me. Well most of the times you have no idea whether it will be the last but I would suggest to avoid fights with anyone you don’t see that often. Common sense, duh!
I’m in the flight going back home and I’m making peace with all my personalities in me. To let go and wish them the best…. I have one less reason to visit that little country but that only means I have more reasons to visit other places in the world!
Farewell, my friend…. you are never only a friend to me… you are a family…. it’s been a wonderful journey.


Her Wedding

It was one beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the sky was clear. It was a huge day for my wonderful friend and for certain part, it felt big for me too. There she was walking in white dress with squinted eyes, since well… she didn’t wear her glasses.
Everytime someone important to me getting married I always feel excited, happy and that ticklish feeling like you know something good is going to happen to you. I can’t explain why, I’m just describing how I feel. And for this friend of mine, it was no different. For the last two months I had myself worrying on what to give to her on her special day (or well… to be fair I started to seriously think of it a month ago). I know how big this day is to her and I wanted her to know that it is to me too.
So, I decided to make an album for her. Something that can reflect what we’ve been through from the first we met til the moment she met her now husband then boyfriend. I was supposed to give it to her on her wedding day but I thought I was going back to my room after the lunch reception and before meeting her for dinner again, so I left it in my room. But we didn’t meet for dinner so yea…. I guess the present would be a day late then…
Here is a peek on this wonderful event


I pray that the Lord give them both direction and wisdom to sail the rest of their lives together. And may they both be blessed abundantly with happiness and joy…
Congratulations on your wedding!!!



I was having my same old problem today when trying to decide whether or not I should go to the church. You know…. Being too lazy and imagining myself just watching tv or sleeping the whole day…. I decided to go anyway, because my parents were going to a funeral home, so I had to drop them and yea… just go to the church afterwards.

I’ve been having this problem for a long time. Maintaining my faith, maintaining my commitment to Him, these are not easy for me. I lost my way countless of time. To which after few months I would go crying to God and asked for forgiveness. The cycle continues endlessly.

Today is one of those days…. Something the pastor said today has kinda hit me hard. He said people nowadays have mistaken and misunderstood faith as their own wishes and desire. We have to be able to know the difference. God gives us His commands and His promises. We are so focused on His promises, call those as faith, and forget His commands instead. The pastor said faith is actually something that needs sacrifice. Sarah was pregnant when she was 90 y.o. That is faith as she had to endure the pain, the shame, of having to carry a baby when her body naturally could not take it anymore. Abraham was ready to sacrifice his only son that was born when he was 100 y.o. That is faith as he had to feel the pain and face all those crazy thoughts of having to kill his own son. Faith never come easy. Faith is not supposed to be one of our wishes or desire. Faith is supposed to be based on the Father’s desire for us. It is not our will, it is His will. And our willingness to follow His will. That is what faith is all about. If we still live in a lifestyle that we ourselves created for our own benefit and neglecting His lifestyle, do we deserve to say that I have faith God will grant me this or that? That is not faith… that is our will and for some crooked reasons, we hope God will follow ours.

The pastor used this illustration in his sermon: “say that I have a maid. One day my wife and I decided to call this maid and tell her “if you clean our house everyday properly according to our standard of cleanliness and if you cook our meals without MSG and with less salt, by the end of your first year, we will buy you a motorbike. Now, if everyday she keeps on singing my promise to her that I will buy her a motorbike but forgetting my terms, will I buy her a motorbike? But let say, if instead, she remembers my commands by keeping my house clean and cook healthy meals for my family everyday, even though she doesn’t remind me of my promise the next year, will I buy her a motorbike? well, the same goes to you. It doesn’t matter how loud you sing your so called “faith” to God, it doesn’t matter how often you say “I believe God will provide me with this and that”, if you only remember His promises without obeying his terms, do you really think God will be happy to listen to your off-pitch singing?”

I guess, I have been the first maid all along…. I only want to remember His promises without doing my part. Sadly, that has been my definition of faith. Sadly that is how big my faith is….

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt 6:33


Once upon a time

It was nearly 10 years ago when we met the first time. A grumpy me, a practical n quick thinker Vina and a clumsy/careless Dolla. We met by chance, lived in the same building or went to the same class. Different personalities but who would disagree that we completed each other back then. What might seem like merely coincident, grew stronger together. Today we had the chance to see each other again and realized how the time has passed, brought us to the next phase in our lives.  One’s getting married this year, one, who I never thought could settle doing the same job for a long period of time, is still working her first job until today and the other one is striving to start up a new business. This made me think. Life is always about making choices. But at the same time, life is also about fate. One says lower your expectation so you wont get disappointed, but there is also a saying that we should dare to dream big. At the end, we should all agree that despite how perfect we’ve planned our lives, there are these little things that stirred up the ingredients and produce a different outcome altogether. It could be a nice big surprise or a huge mess that we want to avoid. It doesn’t matter…. what matters the most is how we react to those changes, those unexpected things and how we decide to overcome it. The strongest of the three of us, the one with the steel heart and big dreams, she climbs her steps to the top and so far has lifted up to the expectation. She’s done alright! The one who once had commitment issue, turned out to be very committed, to her work, to her relationship, and has matured up well. The gloomy one, still sometimes be gloomy, but trying hard to add some purpose into the mood. Trying hard to have a tenth of that motivation and ambition that her friend has, and trying hard to make it true. We reminisce our old lives, hoping that by thinking we could survive the hardships back then, why must back down now? At least I think that way. It’s a pleasure to spend few hours with them again. How I wished we could make it longer, perhaps as long as our sleepless nights waiting for the first train back to our hostel rooms… but for now we should just treasure what we have, though it is only for a short moment. Grateful that despite all the changes in life, we can still be us around each other. And for being the people they are, I admire them… Long live Primus!