Like an artist in front of a clean canvas
A simple sweep of brush fills the emptiness
One more stroke to create a familiar face
As he carefully adds emotion to complete the eyes

He has a choice to tell his own story
A chance to add a narrative
To opt for a darker or lighter color
He has the power to breathe his soul to his art

Not too much! He says
Just the right shadow to show his doubts
And the right light to express his hope

In the world of finite chances and infinite alternatives
Will this be his masterpiece or another piece of worthless art?


Tertatih ku melangkah
Di dalam kegelapan yang menyesatkan
Aku sendiri dalam bayangku
Mencari cahaya di ujung jalan

Akankah kutemukan sang matahari
Merasakan hangatnya di pelukku

Akankah kuraih sang bintang
Yang kala itu terlepas dari jemariku

Sebelum mata ini tertutup
Sebelum nafas ini terhenti
Pintaku padaNya
Sudikah Kau antarku pada takdirku


Mereka dan aku

Masih kurasakan hangatnya pandanganmu

Yg jadikanku kuat tetapi juga rapuh

Masih kunantikan saat kau menoleh mencari bayangku

Yg jadikan hatiku berlari dalam diamku


Apa kabar bagian hatiku

Lelah ku cari sinar mata itu

Sudahkah bosan kau di sisiku

menghilang dari hadapku


Sekali kau buatku tenggelam

Kebingungan di dalam ketidakberdayaanku


Dan kini saatnya pun tiba

Saat kau berdiam dlm bayangnya

Saat ku berdiri di kejauhan

Menatap dlm sendiriku


Apakah dia yg membuatmu bergetar

Apakah dia yg membuatmu hanyut dlm kelemahanmu

Akankah pandangan itu datang kembali

Dan melepaskanku dari bekuku


Bila melepas tak lagi cukup

Biarlah ingatan ini terhapus

Membawa serta tetes air mata yg luruh

Dan sakit dalam peluh


Karena pada akhirnya

Kita tak pernah ada

Hanya mereka dan aku


He gave me His answers….

Isaiah 41:13  For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
Isaiah 41:17  When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:6  I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles;
Isaiah 43:2  When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 43:4  Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.
Isaiah 43:25  I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.


Chasing your shadow

The night was cold
And there you were, waiting for me
Sitting in the dark
Waiting for a familiar light to creep in 

Ten steps away
Yet it felt like we’re ten oceans away
I looked at your shadow
and instantly the warmth of your presence overcame my sorrow

Remind me again why I have waited for so long
And how I could get it wrong
It is you and me
It is your hand and mine

Our eyes met
a shy smile let out to greet
You shook my hand
But I hugged you in my mind

Is it gonna be this way
You walking away
And I, left crying seeing your back moving away
Is it gonna be this way
You promised me to come back
And I, left out seeing your back moving away 

How I wish the clock would just stop
Freeze our moments together
Record our joy and laughter
Midnight was still an hour shy
and there you were, waving good bye
I could see my hands grasping you shadow
Letting it go, slipping through my fingers 

It is gonna be this way
I am always here chasing your shadow
Hugging it in the dark
Sharing smiles over a cup of coffee
Me and your shadow
Coz I know I can’t have the real you..


si manusia gila

Apa sulitnya berkata ketika lidah sudah mengayun

Tapi tetap, aku sulit untuk berucap

Apa sulitnya menulis ketika jemari sudah bergerak

Tapi tetap, aku sulit merangkai kata


Katanya tutup saja matamu maka kau akan melihat

Kututup mata ini dan yang terlihat hanya gelap

Kosong, sunyi…


3 bulan saudara…

Dan kau akan melihatnya lagi

Ini bulan ketiga kawan

Dan aku lelah menunggu


Jangan kausebut diriku bodoh

Kan kujawab semua tanyamu

Sebut saja aku gila

Punya alasan untuk setiap tipumu



Terimakasih saudaraku

Atas saran di atas lukaku

Akan kubalas kau dengan senyumku

Dan tetap ku menunggu


Tak apa…

Jangan usik rasa nyaman ini

Berdiri di atas tanah basah

Aku rindu terjatuh

Karena lelah ku berdiri



It must be You

I can hear my heart screaming

Crying to tell the truth

Waiting for myself to take another step


I can see all my life flashing back in front of me

I am the past, the present and the future

Struggling to get myself out

Fighting to find another route


Sometimes I wish the air could speak

Sometimes I wish you could hear my heart beats

And how I wish you could understand

The words coming out from these sealed lips


I am here

I am right here


Don’t you go finding someone else

Don’t you go finding another breath

I am standing right here before you

Hoping our eyes meet

And our fingers find the right touch


Why is it so hard

To say these words

To whisper it into your ear

To breath it out from my lungs


Why is it so hard

To say I love you

When I know it must be you



Last Land

I can feel my heart beating

Faster and louder

I can sense you are nearing

Closer and warmer


It was then you made the first step

It is now I feel the depth


Your presence

Your smile

Your laughter

Your jokes


A perfect package for me

Sealed and ready to be sent


I fell and never stood up again

I loved and never be healed again

It took years to mend the wound

But yours came too soon


Will you stay here longer

Unpacked and spend the day together

Will you come here next to me

Hold my hand and never let go of me


I’m crying for hope

I’m gasping for air to dream

You were there in my sight

Watching me fighting my own fight


Will you stay here a little bit longer

Sit tight and walk the moments together

Will you come here next to me

Stand still and sustain me


For one truth to be told

This heart might have found a place to land

As time is getting old

I want you to be my last and only land



21 March 2013


Just when I thought that everything is fine

This feeling strikes my mind

Am I really fine

Or have I just made up my own line


Walked into their lives 2 years ago

Never thought it’ll be hard to let go

I laughed hard

But I cry harder


Felt about giving up many times

Having failed to get into their minds

I was not good enough

I am never good enough


Who am I to cry a tear

Who am I to feel the fear

I’m losing my treasures

None left to reassure


Empty handed to face the fate

Seeing someone closing the gates

It’s time to get out

It’s time to see myself out


I have thousand thoughts untold

Leaving myself dying in cold

Let the history get itself unfold

I am here til the very last drop


If everything fades away

I promise to keep mine safe

Memories sealed and kept away

With your names written on top of the safe


Thank you for stopping by

Hoping this is not our last goodbye


As time comes to realise

It’ll hand us a chance to reunite

And until that very day

I wish nothing….

but the best for u….


June 5, 2011


It took me a year to come up with a new one…. Writing has never been this hard for me, means life has just got harder these days….

Farewell my friends… I never thought it would be this hard to let you go….



A Geek’s Poem

I didn’t ask for fame
I didn’t ask for acknowledgment
I only want to play
with the language I’ve known for years

I didn’t ask for wealth
I didn’t ask for dignity
I only want pleasure
with the thing I’ve known as both friend and enemy

I asked for great mind
far greater than the world ever had
I asked for strong heart
far stronger than the earth itself

the taste is still there
the feel still warms my heart
how long will it stay?
how fast will it go?

it did hurt me sometimes
it did confuse me sometimes
but what lies beneath makes me smile
what goes beyond makes me grateful

as I see it no longer as a thing
as I call it no longer as a symbolic name
it becomes a friend of my days
a brother of my life

I’ll see how far it will go
how deep it will hurt
until I have my time alone with you
until you really tell me what’s the secret of your beauty
for that moment I’ll wait
no matter how long it takes…

Written January 18, 2007
During my stress-but-meaningful time with my old fella, Math (mathematics)