They say people come and go and it’s not a big deal at all. I thought the same too, especially after experiencing losing some friends over the years. The word losing has never been that real before. Previously, my definition of losing friends is a result largely due to our own doings. We got too caught up in our own activities, or at one point we found that we, as friends, don’t really share the same perspectives anymore.
These kinds of losing are usually unnoticeable. When one party finally realizes, it is usually too late to fix.
I was checking out the timeline of my Facebook page when I read a post about the different phases of losing friends. Starting from promising that we would always be together regardless anything. Then promising to meet up once a week. Then realizing that it’s hard to actually synchronizing our schedule to meet up. I repost the album and was typing few names from my past who used to be my good friends to thank them and maybe at the same time to apologize, but in the end I decided not to tag anyone. The decision that I now regret.
About a week after that, I received a very shocking message in my highschool whatsapp group. A message that says, one of my friends, who used to be my close friend, passed away. I still remember thinking that I’ve probably read it wrongly. Maybe it was her parent, not her. My eyes read it right…. it was her…. a 28 y.o girl who was the reason I got scolded and chased out by my Chemistry teacher, who came to my house to study math, who said to me in the beginning of my teaching career “I’ve always known you would become a great teacher!”
Million times that day I asked myself why did I not contact her after posting that album. I was planning to reach out to her but I was too scared that we don’t really have things to talk about after so many years not meeting each other. Stupid me!
Losing has never felt this real. I lost my grandma due to old age, but we saw that coming. I did not see this coming…. I did not know she suffered that long. Me and my ignorance!
There she was, lying peacefully in that small bed. I tried to smile looking at how peaceful her face is, but that stupid me couldn’t hold back my tears. I kept apologizing to her hoping that she knew how sorry I was. So selfish right… I’m sorry….
6 tahun seketika terasa terlalu kejam
Melihatmu hanya dalam mata yg terpejam
Tak kusangka itu kali terakhir
Jamuan kita yg terakhir
Melihatmu terbaring tanpa kata
Tersenyum diiringi gita
Air mataku yang lelah bersembunyi
Di balik mereka yang bernyanyi
Tangan ini hendak meraihmu
Tau betapa hari ini terasa semu
Mengapa hanya kau yg tersenyum
Seindah bunga sekuntum
Biarkan kami mengantar dengan lambaian
Menjaga lelap tidurmu dalam buaian
Bila kelak kita bertemu
Janjiku untuk menjamu
Selamat jalan kawan lamaku
Sampai bertemu di akhir waktuku…
15 Mei 2016
Ditulis untuk Magdalena Noviana Loke yang telah pergi ke rumah Bapa di surga pada tanggal 12 Mei 2016
Farewell, Nov… til we meet again…