I was having my same old problem today when trying to decide whether or not I should go to the church. You know…. Being too lazy and imagining myself just watching tv or sleeping the whole day…. I decided to go anyway, because my parents were going to a funeral home, so I had to drop them and yea… just go to the church afterwards.

I’ve been having this problem for a long time. Maintaining my faith, maintaining my commitment to Him, these are not easy for me. I lost my way countless of time. To which after few months I would go crying to God and asked for forgiveness. The cycle continues endlessly.

Today is one of those days…. Something the pastor said today has kinda hit me hard. He said people nowadays have mistaken and misunderstood faith as their own wishes and desire. We have to be able to know the difference. God gives us His commands and His promises. We are so focused on His promises, call those as faith, and forget His commands instead. The pastor said faith is actually something that needs sacrifice. Sarah was pregnant when she was 90 y.o. That is faith as she had to endure the pain, the shame, of having to carry a baby when her body naturally could not take it anymore. Abraham was ready to sacrifice his only son that was born when he was 100 y.o. That is faith as he had to feel the pain and face all those crazy thoughts of having to kill his own son. Faith never come easy. Faith is not supposed to be one of our wishes or desire. Faith is supposed to be based on the Father’s desire for us. It is not our will, it is His will. And our willingness to follow His will. That is what faith is all about. If we still live in a lifestyle that we ourselves created for our own benefit and neglecting His lifestyle, do we deserve to say that I have faith God will grant me this or that? That is not faith… that is our will and for some crooked reasons, we hope God will follow ours.

The pastor used this illustration in his sermon: “say that I have a maid. One day my wife and I decided to call this maid and tell her “if you clean our house everyday properly according to our standard of cleanliness and if you cook our meals without MSG and with less salt, by the end of your first year, we will buy you a motorbike. Now, if everyday she keeps on singing my promise to her that I will buy her a motorbike but forgetting my terms, will I buy her a motorbike? But let say, if instead, she remembers my commands by keeping my house clean and cook healthy meals for my family everyday, even though she doesn’t remind me of my promise the next year, will I buy her a motorbike? well, the same goes to you. It doesn’t matter how loud you sing your so called “faith” to God, it doesn’t matter how often you say “I believe God will provide me with this and that”, if you only remember His promises without obeying his terms, do you really think God will be happy to listen to your off-pitch singing?”

I guess, I have been the first maid all along…. I only want to remember His promises without doing my part. Sadly, that has been my definition of faith. Sadly that is how big my faith is….

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt 6:33