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Story of my life

20 Jun

Without any intention to copy the title of One Direction’s song, this is the story of my life… after waiting for more than half a year for the outcome of my application, I finally got the letter from N** yesterday. It was a really long day yesterday, since I decided to be a little bit adventurous by going to the Indonesia Open at Istora Senayan using public transportation that also required me to walk for half an hour. Mind you, when I said walk do not imagine a walk on the beach. It was a half run half walk kind of thing and I still arrived 10 mins late to the venue, drenched in sweats. So yea… it was a tiring day and the moment I came home I saw 2 things on the table in my living room that caught my attention, first a big package which I suspect is a toaster I ordered the day before, 2nd an A4 envelope with the N** logo on it. Well, here is the thing I learned from watching Gilmore Girls years ago, that is, the size of the envelope tells it all. Small means rejected, big means accepted. So once I saw the size of the envelope, I said to myself “and… I got accepted…” I don’t know how I feel. It is not really a happiness, in fact it is more like an “oh there you go again…” I guess you can really see the evolution of my expressions. 9 years ago when I got accepted to NTU I was jumping around, shouting (silent shout actually, since it was out after midnight) and pumping my fists. 3 years ago when I got accepted to NUS, I was happy, relieved but worried at the same time. And now, the only thing that left is worries…
It is hard to start something all over again when you failed your last attempt. Especially when you are really comfortable right now with everything that is happening in your life (or bored). So yea… there is no excitement or whatsoever… there is only worries…
And like answering to my worries or questions about my worries, as I opened the envelope, I quickly browsed through the letter, finding the keywords. Blablabla… accepted…  blablabla on 2-5 June.  Then I stopped reading. Checking my watch, what date is today? Isn’t it 19 June already? And yea.. the letter arrived one month late. And I was supposed to e-register again by 5th June and pay the fee also by then. This is like testing me, if you want to get accepted you must first invent a time machine. If I can invent a time machine, I would not bother to apply to your uni in the first place! So 1st feeling: worried, 2nd: angry. How can a uni in this modern time rely on post only to inform such an important matter? Well I don’t know whether it is that important to me, but I paid the registration fee already!!! Even 9 years ago, I found out my NTU result through internet! But this one, despite giving the applicants an account to check the status of their applications, it is never updated. I checked it regularly during April to June and the status is still “in progress” or “in process” something like that. So yea.. I have no appetite to exaggerate anymore… to be honest I didn’t even feel sad, just disgusted with the way it works. So I sent an email to the admission people, in attempt to explain my situation and we’ll see how they respond to it. I sent my 2nd email a minute after to my boss, telling him I got accepted with some problems. So yea… I don’t know what to decide… if they accept my case and decide to be lenient to me (which they should), I don’t know what to do… am I ready to lose all these things again, my comfort zone, my newly fixed car, my savings, my time, to pursue it the 2nd time…. I don’t know… I really don’t. I prayed to God that He will tell me the answer without having to solve a riddle… if You want me in Lord, let me in… if You think like what I think now, that is, enough is enough, please don’t let them accept me…
Story of my life…

-L

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Posted by on June 20, 2014 in ShoutOut

 

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