Some writing I did a week ago…. The content might or might not be relevant anymore, but yeah…. It’s good to put it up. Coz I realized my life is not all about numbers and variables, but I have to deal with words and letters too. Freedom to speak, freedom to write…. Like being said, it might or might not be relevant anymore… Yet still a good piece to share….
Everyone who meets me for the first time thinks that I’m nowhere near serious. They think I’m a cheerful person who never takes anything seriously. They think I always joke and fool around with no stress in mind and no burden on shoulder.
Everyone who has known me for years thinks that I’m a sensitive person. They think I take things seriously and get mad easily when things go nowhere near expected. They know I am someone who is serious with my words and once I promise I’ll keep that for live. They know I have integrity and hate people who talk much but do less.
So which personality represents me the best? I am the second one who hides behind the first one. “A melancholic who hides behind a sanguine” says my friend. Or “a master of disguise” says another friend.
For years, I’ve learnt to put someone else’s needs as my top priority. For years, I’ve refused to share my burden to any friend just because I don’t want to trouble them. In return, I only ask them to be faithful and be my friend forever. It turns out, some think that I am only some stuff to be used and thrown away.
How many years have we been friends? A year or two? 4 YEARS for God’s sake! 4 years before you finally decided to throw me and keep me in your storage for your convenience. You of all the people should have known, I hate to be treated this way. No one likes to be in this position. I did nothing wrong. NOTHING. I’ve waited and been saying to myself all this time to give you some time to think. But this has come to my limit. You admitted yourself that you’ve been ignorant all this time but still do nothing to fix it. I don’t need you to apologize, saying sorry once, twice, thrice or hundreds times. I need you to do something. We all know, no matter how many years we need to build a strong building, it will only take as short as one day to burn it down. Do you honestly think that we can be at where we were again and pretend that nothing has happened? Good Lord! It needs two people to start a friendship and if I sail alone it will no longer be called a friendship. I’ve run extra miles for you. And I’m afraid I don’t have any more breath to run again. You need to take the stick and start running. Otherwise, we won’t make it to the finish line. And I’m saying this just to make you realize. Cheering me from the bench will not do any good. And if you ask me whether I am mad, yes I am mad. You should be worried if I wasn’t. Coz it means I don’t care. And if people say friends need to remind each other if they went out of line, I’m doing it now. I don’t need title. I don’t need to be addressed as your friend just to be called as a friend. I need you to be a person. So many stories I wanted to tell, so many laughter I wanted to share and I’ve shed so many tears without you handing me any tissue paper. And it’s a surprise you said you still remember me. I’ve brought you in my prayers, asking Him to keep you save. Coz I know, I’m no longer welcomed in your life and therefore won’t be able to help you much. It was nice to be your friend and I cherished all the years we had gone through together. I have to give you full credits for saving my GPA and my sanity back then. If only you allowed me to stay some years longer….
May 8, 2010