“Blame It On My Youth”

If, I expected love, when first we kissed, blame it on my youth
If only just for you, I did exist, blame it on my youth
I believed in everything
Like a child of three
You meant more than anything
You meant all the world to me

If, you were on my mind, all night and day, blame it on my youth
If, I forgot to eat, and sleep and pray, blame it on my youth
If I cried a little bit, when first I learned the truth
Don’t blame it on my heart, blame it on my youth

– Jamie Cullum

I hope I still have my youth to be blamed for. Perhaps this is what people say as absolute stupidity. First time I heard this song, it went deep to my heart. As maybe it’s true. Nothing to regret about everything that I’ve done because all of them are just parts of long processes to achieve the higher level, or maybe in this case is what we call as “maturity”. Sometimes a child might have a very bright mind and more knowledge that the adults but he is still a child. There are things that can only be learned as people get older. This convinces me that tomorrow I’ll be better, considering I have one more day past by and with that I again add something to my bank of experiences and knowledge and wisdom or whatever you call it. I guess this supports what we know as law of balance, because actually we never lost anything as by losing something we get a new lesson. And since every event is unique, it might need unique sacrifice to each of them. One thing I know about sacrifice, it has never tasted good in the beginning….. But the harder the start, the happier I got when I touched the finish line. Beh…. I sound very desperate…. It might indeed be true…. I have been lost for months, running away from my own God, running away from myself, running away from everything that has been known as part of my life. I was being very arrogant and felt superior towards everything. I still remember perfectly how my math teacher told me that I didn’t have enough confidence for myself, but what is happening right now is the opposite. I remember my friend once told me that I was someone with gifts and talents yet always put myself as a second person compared to anybody else. Now…. I really miss those things. I want to stop all the thoughts in my mind which telling me that everybody else is not as great as me. Because I know that indeed I am weak and I need everyone to keep me from falling… As Paul the Apostle once said,“…. for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” I want to be weak in order to be strong again.



Meaning of everything

God gave me eyes to see
The beauty of all His creatures
God gave me ears to listen
The peaceful sound of His nature
God gave me mouth to bless
Both friends and enemies
God gave me nose to breath
Inhale the air of freedom and exhale the troubles in my life
God gave me hands to work
Plant the seed and harvest the fruits
God gave me legs to walk
Along with friends and those who are in need
God gave me heart beat to feel
Define my emotion expressing both my ups and downs
God gave me brain to think
Logically over things which are illogical
In real life I’ve practically done the opposite
And so I started to think that
God gave me eyes to look for other’s mistakes
God gave me ears to listen to all the nonsense and making fun of it
God gave me mouth to curse others and finding excuses for myself
God gave me nose to heave a sigh infinitely
God gave me hands to put my burden on other’s shoulders
God gave me legs to walk away from other people
God gave me heart to hate those who hurt me
God gave me brain to make me realize how smart I am
And today I can loudly claim to the world that


HaPPy dAy….

Today is the first day of school after two-week quarter break. Welcome to the last quarter of the academic year…. Well, my day began with me looking up to the sun, smiled and said, “Good morning Lord….” Haha…. Ya, it’s been quite a while since last time I did this. Usually I always did it when I went to church in Singapore for the 1st Sunday service. That’s why I like 1st service more than 2nd, coz I like the sun better earlier in the morning. Haha…. The first period for me today is to teach grade 11 Math HL. Today’s topic is integration using substitution and arc function. Not much to teach, literally, coz we only had 1 hour to do everything. She handed me her assignment for holiday, and I was quite surprised anyway. Well, I guess I expected her to do much better than she did. And I think tomorrow I will need to brief her and ask her to redo everything again. I rushed her to do some questions for class work today, though again she didn’t meet my expectation, I have to say she has eyes to do her job. The 2-period lesson ended with me asking her about one Math Olympiad problem for primary, she didn’t manage to do it. But at least she knew where to start. Yeah….. I know…. By this time I already heard so many voices inside my head telling me that she’s not as good as I thought she is. But let’s give her another shot….
Next, my day continued with teaching grade 7 students, 4 periods in a row. Whahaa….. Usually it would no doubt be as good as hell, but today they are incredibly nice!!! Haha…. And I did even experience a silent class in grade 7b!!!! GOSH!!!! Today is HEAVEN!!! Haha….
But yeah…. I got pretty disturbing incidents today. Thanks to THEO who keeps on referring me as my own student in grade 11. Fyi, Theo…. I got my own name. It’s spelled L-I-A. I got my own thing, I got my own face, I got my own laugh, I got my own jokes, I got my own style when I speak, I got my own way of thinking, I got my own ideas, I got my own everything…. Just because we both have short hairs, wearing glasses, about the same height, that doesn’t mean we are the same person!!! Or maybe it was because we are both very smart people…. (hauahhauahuaa….)
Anyway…. I have a very nice day today…. And hopefully tomorrow will be better…. Haha….