27 January 2008

Today, a year ago I gave myself to be baptized. Now, at this moment, I want to recall that event not merely as a part of old memories, but as a continuous one that goes along each and every day to shape me and to remind me about who I am in the first place. The day when I was baptized is no doubt an important day for me, because I had brought this “dream” in my prayers for years until I got permission from both of my parents, and until I ensured myself that this is indeed what I always wanted. Therefore, today I want to specially take my time to give myself a chance to at least write something about that moment. At least, this is something that I can do right now….

It took me years to have the strength
And months after to declare my faith
For every doubt and fear inside this very soul
I was finally down on my knees and taking my vow

Was found weary and worry
Blaming oneself and feeling sorry
Looking up there for a ray of hope
Lost without bringing any rope

Years clinging to my own belief
My own strength, my own everything
Years I found nothing
Yet in prayers, I found the meaning

I was chosen….
Not in my name, not in my blood
but long before I was here
planned and prepared for the greater one

might be lost and yet found
when I listened to Your voice and calming sound
might be dead and yet alive
when You died on the cross and were still able to forgive

for every sinner and enemy
for those who hate and disgrace
You found me….
In the slump among all other poor
In the junk among all other trashes

I was worthless, yet You paid the highest price
To save me…. To protect me…. To love me….
And so….
Dare I not…..
To be away from You, the Keeper and dearest Father
Dare I not….
When I was named by You, and called by Your mercy….
To not declare myself, as a servant of Yours…..

January 27, 2009

That moment, when I rose up from under the water, I know…. I am saved…. Thank You, Lord…. Thank You….



I want to be able to write again….

Well…. Happy Chinese New Year all…. Haha…. I still remember when I was still in NTU, I’d always struggled when it came to this day. Struggled whether I should go back or stay. Last year I went back to Jakarta though…. And so were many of my friends. *sigh*…. Memories…. Anyway, not going to talk bout Chinese New Year, instead I want to talk about myself that is apparently dying to be able to write again. I’ve been writing since I was still in primary school. I’ve always liked to write poems, and playing with the hidden meaning in every word. But it’s been quite some time since I wrote my last poem. I once told my friend that perhaps it’s because my life nowadays has been so good, so I have no inspiration to write anymore. Haha…. Usually when life becomes harder, you have so many things to say to the world, so many doubts, so many apologies, so many excuses, and so many reasons. Especially when it came to something that really hurts your heart. Wew, that was no doubt the greatest source of inspiration. But yeah… right now, I don’t really have anything to say. I do miss my friends, but I know we are going to meet each other sooner than later. I did want to say something that has been rotten inside my heart for few years, but now I feel I don’t want to split it out. And this makes me think that perhaps, it wasn’t because I have no problems with my life now, but it’s because I have so many hidden feelings which I don’t want to be revealed to the world. Hmmm… I don’t know…. But I hope my appetite of writing can once again bring me back to those beautiful words…. Coz I really miss myself back then….