Three and a half years…. That is exactly how long it takes for me to finish my bachelor degree. Today is the day I got my results out and celebrating it with an ease of heart and a huge relieved!!! Gosh…. I was scared sick before, thinking about the possibility that I’m going to fail one of the subjects. If I were to fail, where would I stay next semester? Since I’ve checked out from my place two weeks ago…. If I were to fail, how about my job as a teacher? Since I’ve negotiated about the salary and all, and agreed to start from this January. If I were to fail, how about all my daily stuffs needed to stay alive everyday? Since I’ve already packed everything and brought back most of them to my hometown. If I were to fail, what should I say to my parents and how are they gonna face it? Since I have been bragged by them in front of other relatives (I don’t like this one). Summing up everything, if I were to fail, I don’t know how am I gonna cope with it. But thank GOD (huge thanks to You, Lord), I pass all the subjects….
After staring at the result for a few moments, I couldn’t help but to think back about my first time entering the university life. I still remember how happy I was when I found out that I was accepted to NTU. I still can sense how relieved I was when I successfully changed my major to mathematical sciences instead of civil engineering. All the tears I’ve shed, all the stressful moments, depressions, and all…. But also, the smiles, the excitements, friendships, sense of belonging as a big family with all friends live nearby, the joy, new experiences…. NTU is not just a place for me, it is my place…. I’ve learned, seen, touched, and heard so many things from this place.
I’ve learned to be realistic, but hopeful in the same time. I have never been good in exams. I might be able to do the tutorials, the assignments, and understand things quite well, but I’ve almost always stumbled during the exams. Because of this I have to given up my hope to get first class honours. Because of this, I have always trembled before, during, and after exams. Many types of mistakes I’ve made during exams time, from misread the questions, counted wrongly (very often), forgot to plug in some details needed for calculations, to understanding the questions wrongly. The subject which cost my tears the most was calculus (all series of them). The reason is, this subject was (and maybe is) one of my most favorite subjects ever. I like this subject, I’ve always tried to understand it correctly for each and every step to get some results, and I’ve always felt that I managed to understand it all before the exams. Yet still, the results speak for themselves. I was never able to score well (not a single one). The first calculus I stumbled terribly by miscalculating almost half of all the questions. The second, even though I did very well for the midterm, again I fell hard in the final. The third (this cost my loudest cry for all series of calculus), I was angry with the midterm coz I got much lower than I expected just because I didn’t present my answers clearly step by step, and stumbled during final coz of miscalculation from the very first step of doing the questions. The forth didn’t get better…. I realized that it was my last chance to score for calculus, the only subject that I felt I understood the most but never been able to score well (that was what I thought back then, but the list got longer later). I studied hard, hoped harder, but dang!!!! AGAIN!!!! I miscalculated a simple integration needed for the very first step, no wonder I wasn’t able to get any answer that makes enough sense. So that is it…. My long story of a long series of calculus that never really fond of me….
Talking about the toughest semester, I can never forget about the 1st semester of my 3rd year. That was damn hell for me. I almost drove myself crazy (literally). I cried every now and then without any warning (see how crazy I was). I believe my friend almost slapped me back then (especially after my first exam). Real analysis was THE reason of all the craziness and insanity and depression and hopeless and sense of worthless and everything terrible back then (and it seems it still holds the title this year, given my juniors still complaining about this subject). The bad news was, this was my first exam that semester. So, everything after wasn’t getting better. I cried a lot that time. I even apologized (for the first time) to my mom, coz I felt I’d fail this subject. My mom freaked out (coz apparently I’ve never cried and apologized at the same time about my study), and obviously told my brother who then messaged me and try to pull me up (but I was still down anyway). Still feeling very terribly down, I had to face my second and third and forth and so on. So in the end, as expected, that semester became my worst semester ever. My GPA dropped drastically (from hoping to get first class to desperately seeking air to breathe the second upper). So I gave up the first class this semester, and started to worry about maintaining my second upper. I was worried sick, coz my GPA kept dropping ever since my 4th semester.
And here GOD again came and saved my life… through Vina, I believe…. A friend of mine who diligently asking me to study together with her each and everyday ever since the start of the 6th semester. And a lil secret between me and my GOD, which I believe was also one of the reasons why I got a really amazing result for this semester. Through this semester I secured my second upper, and confirming the reason of me taking major in math in the first place. Coding and Cryptography, those two subjects have been my interests since I was in high school. And I scored very well for both of them during my 6th semester. It was my greatest semester, and still is….
Yet today, I got my second greatest…. Haha…. Yes, there were mistakes during exams for my final semester (esp for my math subject, A LOT OF MISTAKES). But I got through…. Nah…. WE got through…. It wasn’t only me…. But all of us, my GOD, my friends, my family…. Those who have stayed by my side during my downs, those who have always prayed for me and given me strength, those who have lightened up my hopes and dreams, those who have held my hand and wiped my tears, those who have created jokes and silly actions, those who claimed themselves to be my friends and sisters, those who I claim as my friends and sisters, those who I believe are unforgotten forever in my life…. and one of those…. Could be you….
When I read the results today, just a few moments ago, there was a final closing sentence below my results; a sentence that I believe will always be marked in my mind from now on til days ahead:
REMARK: YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR OF SCIENCE (HONOURS) IN MATHEMATICAL SCIENCES WITH SECOND CLASS HONOURS (UPPER DIVISION) WITH A MINOR IN INFORMATION-COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGY.
Thank you all…. I could’ve never done it all without you…. And YOU of coz….