Welcome to NUS

Okay…. Here it is…. Start of a new year, start of a new life. I’ve just closed another chapter in my life last month. I resigned from STB-ACS as a math teacher to pursue what I called as my second chance. So here I am, in my room in NUS, late at night deciding to start my journal in different folder.

I’ve stayed here for 3 weeks now. Guess time sure flies. If you ask me how’s life…. Well, my normal life is still normal. I guess…. But my other life, namely my education/work life seems to be in danger. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it’s not gonna be easy over here. First day of school… That was all I need to start questioning my decision once again. I attended 3 different lectures and came back to my room with this awful feeling and a thought in my mind, “I’m so gonna fail.” I don’t want to blame the lecturers, as I was a teacher myself for 3 years, but well… I guess if I can’t blame them then I have to blame myself for not knowing what on earth they were talking about for 2 hours!!???!!! Oh, and the last lecture was for 3 hours, ended at 10 pm.

I thought, it’s gonna be simple. I would take 10-12 modules, depending on the prerequisites of the modules and graduate in 2 semesters. Well, the good news is I am waived from having to take the prerequisites, the bad news is taking a module without taking its prerequisites is like a suicide. Is like going to China without knowing a single word in Chinese. Wait… No it’s even worse, it’s like being kidnapped by an alien and not knowing how to communicate with them.

So in these two weeks, I have attended like 10 different lectures (or perhaps more, I’ve lost counts), thinking about taking 4 only at first (since the code 5 modules are all like WTH!!!!) but then rethinking about it. Since if I only take 4 modules (2 from code 4, 2 from code 5) like what I thought last week, I will then have to take 6 modules of code 5 to graduate next semester. Else I have to stay for another semester and God… I don’t want to ask money from my parents. So yea…. This week, I attended other lectures that I haven’t attended (yes!! I am that desperate!!), and came with a decision to take 6 modules. 3 of code 4 and 3 of code 5. The newest module I decided to take is tonight’s lecture. I forced myself to stay in the room for 2.5 hours though I had no idea what he was talking about since the first minute he talked. But I guess I did try to turn it into a funny moment. As when I looked around to other people in the room, they were also like looking at each other, smiling. I guess I was not the only one who was lost, eh? Half of the students already gave up copying down his notes on the board since like the first half an hour. So, noticing that, I was laughing (silently of course) and smiling as big as I could. A coursemate gave up after listening to him for 15 mins (I guess he is not my coursemate anymore), and I was really tempted to follow his footsteps and run to attend another module that I like. In the end, I decided to stay and cursed myself because of that. But yea…. This is my priority since it’s a code 5 module and the other one that I like is a code 4 module.

Today (Jan 20) is the last day to do add/drop modules and today is also, technically, the last day to decide whether to stay or withdraw. Again, I was tempted to withdraw since the first day I attended a class. Reason is, of course I am too scared to fail. Another reason is, one semester here is equal to one year of my savings. While I’m risking it to something that I’m not sure about, I’d rather use it to pay my tuition fee loan for my undergrad and go back to Jakarta and work again. But…. After thinking it through and talked to my friends and my brother about it. I guess…. Man…. I have no guts to go back either…. The pride…. I won’t be able to stand the humiliation of not being able to finish what I have started (even though, technically speaking, if I withdraw now, I haven’t started anything yet). Not only that, as a teacher for 3 years, I always taught my kids not to give up and if I give up now…. God…. I will be held responsible for giving a bad example and being a two-faced. I am not someone who gives up easily. My whole life is the proof. If I don’t try it myself, I will never know. I believe, God’s brought me here for something good. His plan is never for us to fail. So here I am, betting a what I view as huge amount of money for this decision. My plan is to give my all this semester. If that is not enough, then let’s start thinking about withdrawing again…. At least, by then I can say to my parents, I’ve tried my best.

And I guess…. I just don’t want to give up on my math…. Not yet….

Welcome to NUS….

-L

End of Journey @ STB – ACS

Here it is…. Two more days to end the year 2011. I am entering the new year of 2012 with a lot of things in mind. My last day of work is officially 31 Dec 2011… That makes me no longer a teacher starting 1 Jan 2012. I’ve worked in STB-ACS for 3 years, since Jan 2009. My initial plan was to work for a year, to then quit and continuing my study. It didn’t work that way obviously. I served for another 2 years and finally half-heartedly resigned abandoning my kids while they are preparing for their exams this coming May.

It’s about time…. That is the excuse that I keep repeating in my mind to justify my decision. It’s really about time. I no longer have the age advantage to start studying again. It’s now or never. I could have waited for another semester, another year. But in my heart I insisted, now or never! So I decided it’s indeed the right time. I do hope I made the right decision….

Sekolah Tiara Bangsa – ACS (International) Jakarta. Quite a long name for a school, but this is where I started my life after my graduation. This is where I met my wonderful colleagues and students. I started my working life awfully, bad enough to make me said “Call me crazy if I’m still here next year.” And I was, by my own definition, CRAZY. Three years…. Good Lord…. I’ve survived my three years of life there!!! Over 70 students, 4 different batches every year and here I am…. Looking back and thinking about everything I will miss when I start my new life next year.

A friend of mine once said, “It’s not the place that you’ll miss, it’s the people.” This was proven to be the case after I graduated from NTU and I think this will again be proven to be true. I’ll miss all of them, Bosses, Colleagues and Students…. My kids were upset when I said I won’t be there next semester. The thing they probably don’t know is the fact that it’s also very hard for me to let them go. I’ve taught some of them for the whole 3 years. I’ve been there with them, watching they grow physically and mentally, experiencing the thinnest difference between hatred and love. I’ve learned to forgive, I’ve learned to tolerate, I’ve learned that being different isn’t always bad, I’ve learned that the most beautiful thing in life is not achieved by being uniformly synchronized, but by being true to ourselves and accept whatever differences we have. We are made for each other, one to complete the other one. I bet some of my kids used to hate me, but in the end the truth will be unveiled, that like all other teachers, I wanted the best for them. My mission is accomplished when my kids do better than me. And I proudly and happily admit that some of my kids are already better than me and more to be.

I have nothing to regret. I’ve done practically everything I could. I’ve been their teacher, their sister, their friend. People thought by being a teacher, we could touch young lives. But I’ve been one, and I have to say it’s indeed my life that was touched by them. A simple joke in class can make my day, a short “Hi” along the corridor can lighten up my mood, and at the end, receiving hugs from them told me one simple message, that I will definitely miss them….

Guys…. You are engraved in my heart forever. I pray that you will achieve everything best in life….

Sayonara….

-L

The Great Taufik Hidayat

It’s probably too premature to say that this is the end of his era, but I’m just trying to be realistic here. I was not a big fan of Taufik Hidayat, I never am. Yet, like most of Indonesians, we are very proud, I am very proud to have him as our very own athlete. I’ve watched him since he was still a teenager. He was really one of a kind, in behavior and in talent. He was, I think, the most arrogant badminton player at his prime. He would play well if he felt like it. If he didn’t have the mood, he would just throw the game away. Yes, he was that good. The world knows him as the king of backhand shots. He could do basically everything with his backhand. People even started to think that it’s better to attack his forehand than his backhand. His backhand smash was the fastest I’ve even seen (in his prime) and he could do any kind of fancy shots, around the back, in between the legs, jump backhand smash, you name it. He only had one problem, his attitude. Nevertheless, I think like many other athletes, he still thought the Olympic is a huge tournament to win, hence the title in 2004.

He has made himself a legend in badminton. Those who want to master their backhand skills have to make him as the role model. Having achieved so many prestigious titles, I have to say I did feel for him knowing that he just lost to his junior in 2 straight games. It was not Lin Dan, Lee Chong Wei or Peter Gade who crushed him, it was this guy who never won any major title and never won against him before. He should have retired earlier, when he was still on top. We all want to remember him as the great Taufik Hidayat who can win any tourney once he set his mind to win it. And as much as I despise his arrogance, I did admire him. For me, as long as one delivers results, I can’t complaint much on one’s behavior. Genius and arrogance are often come in one package. So yea…. It was kinda startled me when he said to the media that he has lost his confidence and not sure whether to continue playing at this level. I’ve never heard he said things like that to the media. He used to be someone who speaks highly of himself and blaming other people but him for his loss. I guess when the genius is no longer arrogant, he is not genius anymore?

Well, whatever it is…. I, like many other people in this country, would like to thank you for everything that you’ve given until now. Many kids learned badminton because of you, chased their dreams to be like you and hopefully in near future, we will have one like you again or even better. My salute to you, Mr Taufik Hidayat. The great Taufik Hidayat. One in many decades…..

-L

Di balik sebuah ideologi……

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Kalimat ini tertulis di balik gapura jalan masuk menuju Lubang Buaya, lokasi ditemukannya mayat 7 pahlawan revolusi negara yang gugur dalam peristiwa pemberontakan Partai Komunis Indonesia (PKI). Peristiwa ini dikenal luas dengan nama G30S/PKI.  Genap 46 tahun sejak peristiwa berdarah tersebut, kalimat ini terasa menggelitik dan memaksa untuk berpikir.

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Sempat terasa janggal ketika membaca kalimat ini, terasa seperti ada sesuatu yang di”seleweng”kan. Apa benar kita harus mempertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur? Kata-kata “liang kubur” di kalimat ini identik dengan kematian yang dipaksakan atau dengan kata lain kematian karena peperangan atau pertikaian. Mempertanyakan hal ini pada diri sendiri, mempertanyakan kesediaan saya mempertahankan 5 sila ini sampai ke liang kubur. Bukankah itu berarti mendewakan sesuatu? Mati karena mempertahankan suatu simbol? Mati karena mempertahankan 5 pernyataan yang toh tidak bisa mati karena bentuknya sendiri abstrak dan tidak tersentuh.

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Setelah itu, saya berpikir lebih dalam lagi dan mendengarkan nasihat yang biasa saya berikan kepada anak murid saya ketika mengerjakan soal matematika, kembali ke definisi awal, definisi awal dari Pancasila. Pancasila yang saya ketahui berarti 5 sila. Sila pertama, Ketuhanan Yang Maha Esa. Sila kedua, kemanusiaan yang adil dan beradab. Sila ketiga, Persatuan Indonesia. Sila keempat, kerakyatan yang dipimpin oleh hikmat, kebijaksanaan dalam permusyawaratan perwakilan. Sila kelima, keadilan sosial bagi seluruh rakyat Indonesia. Refleksi saya ke 5 sila ini semakin meyakinkan saya bahwa tidak mungkin mempertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur.

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Pertama, berdasarkan sila pertama sendiri dikatakan Ketuhanan YME, yang berarti Tuhan itu satu dan hanya satu. Dan kita menyembah hanya kepada 1 Tuhan. Menyembah benda mati itu menurut saya murtad, apalagi rela mati untuk sesuatu yang diciptakan manusia. Sila kedua mengatakan kemanusiaan yang beradab. Bagaimana bisa manusia dikatakan beradab kalau kita sendiri saling membunuh. Saling membunuh demi ideologi yang dinamai Pancasila menurut saya, secara langsung sudah membunuh arti Pancasila itu sendiri. Sila ketiga, persatuan. Sampai saat ini pemberontakan yang mempermasalahkan Pancasila hampir selalu datang dari dalam negeri ini sendiri. Jikalau pemberontakan itu dari dalam dan pada akhirnya terjadi perang saudara, berarti persatuan itu sendiri sudah pecah. Jadi apa perlunya lagi membela sesuatu yang sudah pecah, terlebih sampai ke liang kubur?

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Sila keempat yang lebih menguatkan keyakinan saya bahwa mati untuk Pancasila itu tidak memungkinkan. Dikatakan permusyawaratan, kerakyatan. Bahwa sebisa mungkin semua pertikaian diselesaikan dengan bermusyawarah, dan kiranya kita mengerahkan hikmat dan kebijaksanaan kita untuk menyelesaikannya tanpa pertikaian fisik yang merenggut nyawa. Jadi bila pun pertikaian fisik itu terjadi dan kita mengatasnamakan Pancasila sebagai pembenaran peperangan itu, kita sendirilah yang telah membunuh Pancasila itu sendiri. Sila kelima yang melambangkan keadilan pun tidak luput dari dasar argumentasi. Jikalau saja keadilan yang merata ini bisa terwujud di seluruh lapisan masyarakat, Negara ini tidak akan pernah menghadapi pertempuran sesama saudara sebangsa sendiri. Jika saja sila kelima ini bisa tercapai, tidak ada yang keberatan untuk mempertahankan Pancasila ini sampai kapanpun.

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Bukan berarti saya tidak mencintai bangsa ini. Saya orang Indonesia yang bangga dengan kewarganegaraannya dan rela membela negara dan penduduk di dalamnya jika hidup dalam kebenaran sampai ke liang kubur. Saya rela membela Indonesia sampai akhir hayat saya. Pancasila merupakan sebuah ideologi yang bukan tanpa cela yang diciptakan manusia. Bila kelak ada ideologi yang lebih baik, mengapa tidak mengadaptasinya dan menjadikannya bagian dari hidup kenegaraan ini. Seperti halnya manusia, bila kelak ada nilai-nilai moral yang lebih baik, alangkah baiknya kita pun mulai mengamalkannya dan menyempurnakan nilai yang lebih dulu kita miliki.

“Pertahankan Pancasila sampai ke liang kubur”. Untuk pertama kalinya saya menyadari memperingati hari Kesaktian Pancasila itu tidak sesuai dengan nilai-nilai yang saya pegang. Bukan karena Pancasila yang sakti, tapi karena negara ini yang kuat dan bisa bertahan sampai sekarang. Karena Tuhannya yang Esa, manusianya yang beradab, rakyatnya yang bersatu dan berhikmat dan karena keadilan yang terus diperjuangkan.

 

-L

In the blink of an eye

This was written on August 22, 2011. Of course by now, we all know that Arsenal got crushed 8-2 by Man U  (and another red card), Nasri left for Man C, I attended my bible class last week and I am still a thinker….

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So…. It’s a start of another holidays, I have a 2 week break from school, enough time to calm everything down and enough time to think about anything relevant or irrelevant like what I’m doing now.

Everything I want to write starts with what has happened for the last two weeks. 2 weeks ago, I was so excited about everything. Got Arsenal’s first game in the new season (that later on I found out it was a bad start to watch anyway), got the badminton world championships rolling for the week (again ended up with my favorite duo kicked out in the semi by an unknown pair from Britain), I also got my bible class (for which I decided to bail out in the 2^nd meeting last week), but thank God for the greatest gift of the month (or perhaps the year) that my kids got great IGCSE results for their Add Maths…. Yes, yes…. I have my life falling on me again…. So it makes me thinking…. About this, about life, about me, about people I don’t know, about events that don’t really matters to me but I chose to be sucked by it.

Arsenal tied in their first game, lost in the 2^nd game at home 0-2 against Liverpool. We got 2 red cards in our first 2 matches, 3 suspensions, 4 (probably more since I stopped counting when I reached this number) injured players, a captain who was also one of our best players decided to go back to his hometown and ended up with him lifting a trophy in his debut in his new (old) team, an own goal by Ramsey (the most handsome player out there) and the best part is….. this is just the beginning….. We have a bright side though…. Nasri is probably staying…. Yep…. This is one of the many things I want to talk about. Samir Nasri….. Do I need to state the fact that he doesn’t know me at all, he doesn’t aware of my existence and he has no idea that I’m writing about him at this moment? Well….. It’s just strange…. Weird…. A week ago the gooners hated him, they thought he was a betrayer, wanted (wants) to leave the club for a better salary. Me? I thought he has the right to decide, though I have to say that I hate seeing another great player go. Despite all the news about him, he was selected to play for our 2^nd game and despite of the loss he was one of the better players out there. And as expected, the fans fell in love with him again. Yep, it was that fast. From an enemy to everyone’s Xmas gift. I’d like him to stay anyway…. So yea… I hope he stays….

the worst in a hundred eighty something years....

Badminton World Championships 2011, again our country didn’t bring home any gold. Well, we brought home almost the same color, bronze…. But yea…. I guess everyone was expecting something more, at least I expected more. We’ve been in slump for the last 4-5 years I guess. We didn’t win any world champ since 2007 and now we’re afraid that we may not win anything in the Olympic Games for the first time since 20 years ago. The pair that was “blamed” the most by everyone was my favorite…. Liliyana Natsir (and Tontowi Ahmad). They won 3 in their last 4 tournaments (all went all the way up to the finals) and they chose the right time to stumble in semifinal against a British pair who was anonymous until that tournament. So yea…. It was again that fast. It was hurting me, seeing and watching they lost…. I kept avoiding that topic for few days…. But I guess it was harder on them…. since I believe they were also expecting to win. Well, it’s life…. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

Yes, Yes.... look at them closely and aim for that gold next time! I hate pink!!!

My bible class, started 2 weeks ago. I decided to join because I thought this would be good for me. It’s been quite a while since I joined anything and it’s been quite a while since I learned to learn again. So I was there at the first meeting, but decided to skip the second one for a lame excuse: SLEEP!!! Yes…. My mind changes as I inhale my next breath. But I promise to myself I will attend the next one…. So let’s see whether I’m still keeping my promise…..

“The Good Wife”, it’s the name of the show that I’ve been watching for the last few days. My emotion tore up in the last few episodes seeing Kalinda cried after a fight with Alicia. She was not someone you can picture out crying…. Actually she was not anyone with emotions. But that one scene tore me up entirely. She was broken, oh yeah… she was broken into pieces, knowing that she’s losing her best friend, possible her only friend. The trigger? She slept with Alicia’s husband…. Yea I know…. It’s a show…. Yet, I feel for her…. I mean, she was being honest when she said she didn’t even know Alicia when she slept with her husband. Only after that incident, she met Alicia, she got to know her, and she likes her…. She’s a friend, she’s probably the friend. But a mistake, is a mistake…. Here you go, from a (the) best friend to the number one enemy. Had one, with a good friend of mine. We got it through, but it’s never been the same anymore. It’s like we said it’s fine now, all are forgiven but inside, you know it’s not that simple. Tho, of course I have other stories to disprove that. I mean, we do forgive. In my case, I did that with some other friends. We fought hard, harder, cry loads of tears, weeping but hey….. we’re still good friends. We forgive…. We chose to stick together for another day. But I guess, I never really know how we do the selections on which to forgive and which to move on (by letting it go). I never wanted her to go. I liked her, I cared about her (probably one of the most), I adore her. But it seems that we’re better off not to be together. Look at the brighter side, without having a fight with her I wouldn’t know my other best friends that came by later on and stick around until now. Well, the point is…. In this world, everything can change in a second. And for someone like me, who always try to put things work in mind before really executing it, it’s almost like a disaster. You don’t know what to expect…. Wait….. let me rephrase, you should not even expect anything! I am becoming cynical, aren’t I? I guess this is really a long holiday. Should have it thought through….. or wait…. Should I just leave it and go with it…. I mean…. Even though I put my brain to it, it might still work the other way right?

-L

Be Nice to Nerds….

Looking at my kids in school now reminds me of how lucky I was to have gone to really good schools that cared so much about grades and achievements.

Bullying…. A never ending problem that can happen anywhere anytime. I was quite a nerd when I was in primary all the way up to uni. I THINK I was quite a nerd. I was fat and didn’t really have self confidence at all. But thank God I’ve never got bullied by anyone. When I was in primary school, I can say that I was actually the one who bullied my friends. Small school, strict and very scary teachers, being a quite diligent student I was always needed by my classmates to help them doing their work. When others need you, you can literally do whatever you want. Though I didn’t really torture anyone. All I did was just enjoying myself being an important person back then.

Junior high, not really bad. New school, found it hard to make friends coz I didn’t really talk to new people, not until they started first. Made a few friends, never experienced any kind of bullying or verbal insult from friends. Wasn’t really good at sports but not that bad either. Became the top student in my batch in my first semester there, gained respect from others, always stayed away from problems. So again… I was blessed. Was happily accepted by some of the popular gang just because I had quite sense of humor (i.e joking and making jokes or simply just showing my face and my weird expressions).

still thinking in her sleep

Senior high, the same thing. Was not very popular in the popular way, said to have a very low self-confidence, but still can go to school without feeling scared at all. Friends knew me as Lia the math kid, friends called me Mamon, Mami Monster, Mami Doraemon or even Queen of Math. But again it was just a nickname that everybody commonly had during my time. And I gratefully say I was not bullied by anyone.

For me, it’s a sad thing if people get bullied just because they look like nerds or really nerds. Like Bill Gates said, “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.” I had a student once, who was and still is very smart. Despite of that natural gift from God I always adore her for having that confidence, that strength and that wisdom for which not every human has. Those are the kind of the attitudes needed for the nerds to stay as who they are, proudly, without being forced to change into someone that they are not. Sometimes you need to close your ears and stop listening to all the bad things told by other people to intimidate you. For me as long as you do no harm to others, move on! I might not have the kind of confidence a cheerleader has when she walks or talks or even stares at some new people, but when I am with my math…. No one can stop me. When I am with my pen and papers, no one can interrupt me and dare not to do so! I am not that good in math, some people know that, I know that very well since long time ago. But it’s not about being good at something or being perfect in front of others. It’s about you and your pride of everything you have. (to clarify, I’m not saying that being arrogant is good. For me, pride is not the same as arrogance).  God grants you with something special that no one else has. Why? Simply because He believes in you, He entrusts His talent, His gift to You. It was specially tailored for you in such a way that only you can make the best use of it. Be proud of it, be grateful of it. I am not as bright as some people that I know, but I have my own style in doing my math. I have courage that not every person has, I have a strong will that someday can move a mountain to wherever I want it to be.

My message to you, to all the nerdies out there or people who are being bullied currently, take pride of yourself! Start loving yourself! If God Himself loves you so dearly, who are you to hate yourself? I am a nerd and proud of it!!! At least I was…. Don’t know whether I’m still a nerd anymore. Haha…. But soon I will be as I continue reaching my dreams.

-L

*this was written on January 21, 2011*

Farewell…..

Just when I thought that everything is fine

This feeling strikes my mind

Am I really fine

Or have I just made up my own line

 

Walked into their lives 2 years ago

Never thought it’ll be hard to let go

I laughed hard

But I cry harder

 

Felt about giving up many times

Having failed to get into their minds

I was not good enough

I am never good enough

 

Who am I to cry a tear

Who am I to feel the fear

I’m losing my treasures

None left to reassure

 

Empty handed to face the fate

Seeing someone closing the gates

It’s time to get out

It’s time to see myself out

 

I have thousand thoughts untold

Leaving myself dying in cold

Let the history get itself unfold

I am here til the very last drop

 

If everything fades away

I promise to keep mine safe

Memories sealed and kept away

With your names written on top of the safe

 

Thank you for stopping by

Hoping this is not our last goodbye

 

As time comes to realise

It’ll hand us a chance to reunite

And until that very day

I wish nothing….

but the best for u….

 

June 5, 2011

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It took me a year to come up with a new one…. Writing has never been this hard for me, means life has just got harder these days….

Farewell my friends… I never thought it would be this hard to let you go….

 

-L

M3t4m0rPH0s1s

3 years ago my coursemates asked me what I wanted to do after the graduation. They asked me whether I wanted to become a teacher, and without blinking, I directly replied, “NO.”

2.5 years ago, during my first interview, I was asked by my employer about my reason to become a teacher. I don’t remember what I said back then, good Lord, I might have to admit that I was bluffing that time or just answering for the sake of answering a question.

Many fresh graduates teachers often said when being asked the same question that they became a teacher because they wanted to touch lives, students’ lives.

Me?

I didn’t have that kind of thought in my mind. What I wanted to do was just teaching Math (not teaching the students). My focus here was Math, not people.

2 years ago, my first year becoming a teacher, I was depressed. “How am I supposed to teach Math to Grade 7 students who can’t even do simple multiplication without calculator?!! This is not even Math!!!”

Parents protested, I was called by more than 10 parents and was faced to a trial for which I was just sitting there listening to them condemning me for what I’d done wrong and for whatever they said I was supposed to do but I didn’t. Unacceptable for me, but I guess that is life. So I went on by saying loudly to myself (and to one of my students) that I would be crazy if by next year I was still teaching in this school.

Half a year later I was still there, continuing my job but was taken off from teaching Grade 7 students. In charge of 10, 11 and 12 was way more enjoyable to me. But the level of stress piled up as the exams approaching…. My kids did very well (not because of me obviously) and I decided to serve for one more year.

Last year, I realized that finally I have found the right reason…. I was no longer teaching Math, I was actually teaching students! It was harder in the sense of now I have to spot students’ weaknesses and try to fix it. Every one of them has different problems, one couldn’t solve problems properly under pressure, one had really bad handwriting and presentation that maybe only GOD and himself knew where to start and how to understand, one had no problem at all but kept making unnecessary mistakes in exams and so on.

So now, here I am…. I’m sending my kids off to their final exams. Don’t ask me about their chances to get good grades. But I was taught to have faith in them. Keeping them in prayers and everything else I guess will work out well. (Amen to that).

Anyway, my point is…. I don’t know from all these years whether I’ve successfully touched any young lives but I do know they have touched mine…. I have new directions and new objectives. It’s amazing seeing them speaking the same language as me. It’s beyond any words seeing them learning new things and actually amazed by the knowledge itself. You should have seen their faces full with amusement when they successfully solved something that they previously thought it was out of reach.  Priceless…. And everyone must have had that kind of moments at least once in their entire years. (meaning, everyone experienced at least one “EUREKA!!!” moment). All of these things are again, something that I did not expect to see or to experience when I first decided to take this job.

I can only say that I’m grateful…. It’s like going to a war to save lives but in the end it turns out I am the one who have my life saved by the others. Being a teacher is not a dream job  but it surely makes dreams come true….

Let me close this by quoting the serenity prayer to prepare me and them for their exams,

O God and Heavenly Father,

Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord,

AMEN……

-L

Farewell Grade 12….

It’s been way too long since the last time I posted something here. Mostly because I lost my touch to write again and had no idea or whatsoever to write anything. But today, I feel that I have the obligation to share this to other people.

It’s the last day of school for my grade 12. I don’t know what to feel and don’t know what am I supposed to feel. They will be the first batch who graduate under my full supervision. Last year, Amyra was only under me for her last 1.5 years. But this time, I’ve taught them from the very first beginning of the IB program until now, until today.

I have to honestly admit that they are wonderful students, nice kids, nice attitude and sometimes beats the same heartbeat with me. I scolded them a lot, no question about that, but I have no intention to hurt their feelings. In fact I scolded them because I care, because I want them to improve….

5 wonderful kids, Eun Suk, Dika, Jong Hee, Jae Ok and Ray. There were countless tutorials with them during the weekends or even during the school holidays. I have literally spent the most of my teaching hours with them. So no doubt at all that I’m going to miss them.

For today’s lesson, I had prepared a Prezi presentation for them. Glad that they enjoyed it. It took me hours to finish it and cost me some of my sleeping time, but I guess it’s nothing compared to what I feel now. I just want to know that they have left footprints in my life that will remain there for years.

Now I can only pray hard that they’ll give their best in the exams. Good luck my grade 12. God’s blessings upon you…. Always…. Thank you for all the moments that we’ve shared….

Here’s the link to my last presentation for my grade 12:

http://prezi.com/ab99qoggccka/grade-12-20102011/

-L

Smile

Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it’d be if he had loved me
Truly loved me, yes
I learned a while ago, that kind of thing, it never happens for me
And so I go around and just pretend
Love is not for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won’t see
That you never let ‘em see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord know its killing me

[Chorus:]
So I put on my makeup
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is ok
I’m laughing ‘cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
‘Cause I’m dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face
On my face
Singing la la la (la la, la la)
la la, ( la la, la la, la la)
la la (la la)
Ooooh (la la la laahh)
Laaaah

Sometimes I sit at home by the phone hoping he might call me (call me)
But he don’t call me (call me, call me, call me)
But then I realize dreams come true
Aren’t for girls like me, not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain’t no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
‘Cause you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows its killing me

[Chorus:]
And so I put on my makeup (put it on, put it on)
Put a smile on my face (a smile on my face)
And if anyone asks me (oooh yeah)
Everything is ok (oh I’m laughing)
I’m laughing ‘cause no one (no one, no one)
Knows the joke is on me
But I’m dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face
On my face (oooh)

It’s not an easy (thing to do)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose
But what else can I do if he don’t love me (no)
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go (gooooo)

[Chorus:]
So I put on my makeup
Put a smile on my face (I put a smile on my face)
And if anyone ask me
Everything is ok
I’m laughing ‘cause no one (no one, no one)
Knows the joke is on me
‘Cause I’m dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face
On my face
Singing, la la la (la la, la la)
la la, ( la la, la la, la la)
la la (la la, la la, la la la la laaa)
I’ll keep on singing la la
Lalalala……

Artist: Tamia